familia

I'm the youngest of five, and when I say youngest I mean there is a decade between me and the next kid.  A decade, (defined by dictionary.com) is a period of ten years.   Ten years may seem like a small amount of time, unless you ask a ten year old and then it is pretty much forever. 
Ten years, take a minute, think to yourself 'where was I ten years ago today?' 

The answer may surprise you!

Ten years ago I was in middle school.  Ten years before that I was 3.  And ten years before that I wasn't even a thought in my parents head.

Ten years is basically a rift.  A time rift that has made it pretty much impossible for me.  I'm 23 and yet for some I will always be 10, 13, 16, and really to immature to ever age. 

How do you prove your maturity without stomping your feet and yelling "I am a Freaking Adult!! Treat me like a grown up!!!"

I have found over time that grown ups only call them selves grown up when they are speaking to children.  So calling myself a grown up... might be the wrong way to start :/

 The only way I think I will ever be viewed as an adult is to get married and have some kids.  I am the only single adult in my family.  so most of the time I don't get a vote, big family dinners, the meeting of the minds, it seems I wont be allowed entrance until I have been wed.   Seems like a lot of stupid reasons to get married but truly, those are the only ones I have right now.  I don't want to get married.  I seriously feel like if I met Mr right tomorrow, he would be waiting for me for a long time to say yes.  Why? because I'm not ready for the rest of my life.  I can barely handle the present.  

My very wise young cousin has a quote
"Today is a gift that is why they call it the present"

I seriously don't fell that way sometimes.  The present I am dealing with: a job I am falling out of love with more everyday, a sister who ignores that I exist, uncertainty about school, saving money, spending money, friends, clicks, singles wards, callings, feeling stupid, Feeling in general, being single in a coupled world, and pretty much everything from cancer to terrorists. 

I'm not sure where i will be in ten years, where I want to be in ten years, and where I should be in ten years.

Stupid Decade...